


This Is the Why

by enemytosleep



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Comfort, M/M, Snacks & Snack Food, Tenderness, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-16 03:17:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enemytosleep/pseuds/enemytosleep
Summary: The boys all have a sleepover. Natsume disappears.





	This Is the Why

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mugen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugen/gifts).



> Written for the 2019 ChocolateBoxComm exchange on Dreamwidth.

Kaname woke suddenly, his head throbbing. He bit down the moan that tried to escape; his friends were all in his room sleeping. He shouldn’t wake them. Slowly, he sat up and tried to steady himself on his futon, blinking his eyes against the dark and taking in the moonlit room. Nishimura was sprawled on his back with one arm flung over his head, mouth open wide as he slumbered on. Kitamoto slept with his back to the group, curled on his side with his blanket pulled up tight to his chin, and Natsume…

Kaname’s headache dulled in an instant as the icy rush of panic spilled down his spine. Natsume’s futon was empty, blanket thrown back in a heap with no sign of him nor the fat cat that had been sleeping with him.

He quickly got to his feet and scanned the room once more. Natsume was definitely not here. Quietly, Kaname made his way to the door, then slid it open carefully. He had a bad feeling that this had something to do with youkai, though as ever, he couldn’t exactly say why. Thankfully, his other friends slept on as he slid the door shut behind him. His father was away for the weekend, which was why everyone had come to stay the night in the first place: they wanted to make sure Kaname didn’t sleep in an empty house. He passed the kitchen and heard something moving in the dark room. 

He stilled.

The rustling continued. Was it Natsume? Kaname reached for the light switch and flipped it on.

“Ponta?”

Natsume’s fat guardian cat was up on the counter and rummaging through the cabinet there, a small mess of pantry items now strewn on the counter top around him, unnoticed. He flicked his ears in Tanuma’s direction as he continued rifling through the cabinet.

“Oi, Tanuma. Do you have any of those squid snacks in here?”

“Where’s Natsume?”

“Eh?”

“Did Natsume leave with you?”

The cat sat back on his thick haunches and turned to face Kaname in the doorway. “No, you were all passed out when I woke up needing a snack. Where did that brat run off to now?”

“You don’t think it was a youkai, do you?”

“It could be.”

Kaname knew it, this feeling always meant it was youkai, but the thought only made him feel worse. “We should look for him, then.”

“I should seal him in his room and make my life easier.”

“You know he would never stand for that.”

“He’s always getting into trouble at all hours. It’s really too much bother to protect him all the time.” He hopped to the floor and began strutting toward the hallway entrance with a determined sort of expression, ears folded flat. 

Kaname followed him as he passed by and made his way down the dark hall. They headed toward the main entrance of the house where Kaname stopped briefly to slip on his shoes. Together they stepped into the cool night air and headed toward the forest’s edge. 

“Can you tell where he is, Ponta?”

“Not from here, but once we get closer I can. I can tell he came this way.”

Nearly every time Natsume got involved with youkai, he ended up somewhere in the woods. It was a place to start, anyway. Ponta waddled across the carefully-laid stone of the outer garden, his weight shifting heavily from side-to-side as he moved far too slowly. Kaname scooped up the cat into both arms and took off at a much brisker pace.

“Oi, watch it!” Ponta screeched, but then he settled himself into Kaname’s arms, tiny paws tucked over Kaname’s forearm. Kaname went straight into the woods, following a well-worn path Kaname often used to reach the main road, and hoping that the cat would sense Natsume soon.

“How often does Natsume disappear like this this?”

“Far too often. He should really stop meddling with the affairs of youkai and leave it to me.”

“It seems like the youkai meddle with Natsume first, though?”

“All the more reason to seal him away.”

Kaname snorted. “And who would give you pork buns, then?”

“The Fujiwaras are kind people. They would feed me!”

Kaname couldn’t help but chuckle. “Have you sensed Natsume at all?”

“Actually, yes. Go that way.” He pointed with one tiny paw, and Kaname shifted Ponta to his shoulder so that he could push his way off the path as instructed. After a few minutes, Kaname’s head began to throb a deep, pulsing pain that made him dizzy and made his stomach turn. There most definitely was a youkai involved, and they were getting close. He picked up his pace.

Kaname crashed through the brush and saw him there in a clearing. Natsume was kneeling on the ground with an old book open in his lap, hand-bound and tattered at the edges. He slid his amber eyes to meet Kaname’s, the surprise of his appearance plain to see — and then there was the faintest hint of a smile there. Kaname breathed out the bucketload of worry he’d bene holding. Nastume was safe, and better yet, Natsume once again seemed to be allowing him into this part of his life. He didn’t seem angry, at least. Natsume looked forward again, clapped his hands, and spoke firmly into the darkness before him. 

“You who protects me, show me your name!”

The book fluttered wildly as though a strong wind blew through the clearing, but there was nothing here, and only the pages of the book seemed affected. Then, the book stilled and a single page stood upright of its own accord. Natsume tore the page from the book, folded it in half, then placed the crease between his lips. 

He clapped again; closed his eyes.

The mysterious breeze blew in again, this time from behind Natsume, the torn page flapping, his long fringe fluffing up and off his brow. He tilted his head back, lowered his arms, palms still pressed together, the line of his neck long and beautiful. Kaname saw a shadow flow from the book page into the wind, small and undulating before it simply faded to nothing. What had he just witnessed? There was a practiced-nature to this scene, one that told Kaname this was not the first time Natsume had done this, whatever _this_ was. He was only recently sharing with Kaname more of his dealings with the youkai, which usually involved some surface issue that they could both work to resolve, but this, this ritual … it spoke of an involvement much, much deeper than Kaname had imagined. 

When the breeze stopped, Natsume collapsed. Kaname ran straight for him. 

“Natsume!”

Kaname’s chest ached as though it were in a vice grip. In the few steps it took to reach him, he was completely out of breath. Kaname crashed to his knees in the clearing and grabbed Natsume; though he was already stirring and trying to sit up on his own. Kaname had his hands on Natsume’s back and shoulders, helping to steady him. 

“Natsume, are you all right? What happened?”

“He keeps ruining my book!” Ponta had jumped to the ground and was jabbing Natsume’s thigh with his paw. 

“It’s not your book, Sensei.”

“Natsume?”

“I’m okay, Tanuma.” However, Natsume’s face betrayed him: his eyelids dropped heavily and his color was unusually pale. “I just feel tired from releasing the seal.”

“Are we — are you in danger right now?” 

Natsume glanced over Kaname’s shoulder and smiled. “No, we’re all right. I need to sit for a minute, though.”

Kaname plopped down to sit beside Natsume and shrugged an arm over his shoulders, prompting Natsume to lean on him, which he did. Natsume fit well into his side as he rested his head on Kaname’s shoulder. “Then we’ll sit here for however long you need.”

“Thank you, Tanuma.”

“You’re welcome. Is it okay if I ask what brought you out here? It was a youkai, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” He shifted a little against Kaname, leaving his head on his shoulder. “Sometimes when I’m asleep, I can see youkai’s thoughts and dreams as if they were my own. I woke myself up when I realized what was happening, and I came to help.”

“You came to return another name!”

“Sensei!”

Kaname wasn’t sure what that meant, but he did know that he didn’t like Natsume putting himself in harm’s way. “Natsume, I know I can’t do much to help you, but I wish I had known you were heading out here. You were all alone and then you passed out.”

Natsume pulled away. Kaname had said too much, been too honest. He _knew_ Natsume struggled with being open about these things, and that he worried for Kaname’s safety probably as much as Kaname worried for his —

“I’m sorry, Tanuma.” Natsume looked down at the ground and huffed out a breath, part of his fringe flopping onto his face.

Kaname smiled and pushed back the bit of Natsume’s hair that had fallen over his eyes. _Oh no._ Had he really just done that? Natsume looked up at him with those wide eyes that were so otherworldly at times, so captivating. He could feel the heat rise to his face as he froze, hand still in mid-air, his heartbeat thrumming loudly in his ears. Kaname looked away. For a moment, Natsume also seemed frozen, as though time itself had stopped and neither of them moved nor spoke and simply stewed in the heat of embarrassment. Kaname should apologize; it was them middle of the night, he wasn’t fully awake — Natsume laid his hand over Kaname’s and placed it on his cheek, nuzzling into Kaname’s palm. Kaname found he was no longer frozen.

Natsume, for his part, continued on as if nothing had happened, that sweet little smile sneaking back to his face. He brushed his thumb over Natsume’s cheek as Natsume held his hand there. Kaname really liked when Natsume smiled. 

“I didn’t think it would be that draining, but you’re right. I should have brought at least Sensei with me.” 

“Pfft. Like I should help you when you’re destroying my prize.”

“Sensei, you’re supposed to be my bodyguard, aren’t you?”

Kaname was still trying to slow down his pounding pulse after what had probably been far too intimate a display, though Natsume seemed to be happy about it, so maybe it was okay? It had all felt natural in the moment, and maybe it was. Kaname was a terrible judge at this sort of thing.

“Tanuma.” Ponta jabbed Kaname’s leg, ignoring Natsume. “You need better snacks.”

“Check Nishimura’s bag,” Natsume said, laying his head on Kaname’s shoulder once more. “I bet he has a stash.”

Ponta perked up. “He’d better! I was hungry before, and now I’ve gone and searched the woods for you all night!”

Kaname laughed. “I carried you, Ponta.”

Ponta’s nubby tail twitched rapidly, his ears folded back as he turned his head away from the boys. “That’s neither here nor there.”

He and Natsume both laughed, his friend’s slight body leaned against his own as they sat in the clearing. _Here nor there_. Carrying Ponta may be neither here nor there, but being here next to Natsume was pretty nice. Kaname was happy to stay here in this moment for a while yet, if he could.


End file.
